Me and my contradiction

I am feeling a lot of negative energy coming my way. This is bad. The vibe is just plain weird.

I am assigned to a new project. And on top of that, I will have to support my current project. This can't be good. This can't be true. This can't be happening.

Getting calls at night from your colleagues oversea is very stressful. Getting popup instance messengers from your colleagues oversea is very stressful. Getting emails from your colleagues oversea is very stressful.

My dog fren pig fren kept telling me to relax and don't too stress out. Don't run in a circle one would always said. But what can I say, I am just a damn easily stress out rabbit.

Although I am worried about the coming weeks and months, deep down inside I am still excited of the new project. Excited about the opportunity that was given to me. Sigh, talking about contradiction. Sometimes I don't even know what I want.

This is sad. This is pathetic. This is pitiful. Somehow I feel like I am not the captain of my own life voyage. I need to be the captain that has purpose. I need to be the captain that knows what he wants. I need to be the captain that able to explore the world with vision and determination.

My photographer guru has started his own company. My x-colleague who is not very pure Chinese has came back from UK and work in the environmental companies researching on worms. I think they are following their dream.

To say that I am not living my dream is a bit unfair. I have worked hard to be where I wanted me to be today. I was in manufacturing industry be fore I decided to switch to IT. I should be proud I think that I am able to do what I had planned 4 years ago. In a way, I am able to make thing happen too. I might not be the best captain but I am not too bad either. I think at this moment, this captain just need a little more patient. The voyage is only a damn good one if it sails through the thick and thin, the high and the low, the stress and the excitement, the frustration and the happiness.

Maybe a little patient and a lot of determinations can bring me to a voyage where no man has gone before...